I wish you would feel more real sometimes.

haha damn im fascinated by christina ricci.

me and kathy were talking about kid names, then we came across wednesday as a name, which reminded us of wednesday addams from the addams family.





Dang i think she's cute. haha dunno why i'm always attracted to emo girls like that. call me a typical emo fag hahaah. Its just something about that cold, unfeeling and analytical stare, that's just numb but still compassionate in a weird way, but still has a whole reservoir of pent up emotions and love (okay that sounds sexual, but yea) Those eyes that have seen much grief, but still has that tinge of innocence.


lol damn i think wednesday's halloween costume hot. So weird of me huh?


dannggg girl, wednesday grew up and became hot. I found her familiar, like i've seen her before. I went to wiki her, and bingo! I HAVE seen her before. She acted in prozac nation which i absolutely loved.



The co-writer of the screen play said this:

"It's a truthful depiction of depression. And I think the reason Miramax has struggled is the fact that it doesn't have a traditional dramatic structure, in terms of a clear, unqualified ending. Look at the book: Elizabeth is very clear that Prozac has helped her, but you're left with a dilemma, because perhaps she no longer knows who she is. We didn't want to come down heavily on one side or the other. People who've experienced depression like that aspect of the film, but a lot of people don't like it. Miramax certainly didn't seem to like it."

I really liked how she acted in the the film, really top notch. And watching the movie just left me with a really profound feeling.. haha i haven't felt like that in awhile. Watched it quite awhile ago tho, like a year ago or sth..

anyway, kathy and i were talking baby names, then if there were 7 babies, we could name each one a day of the week. Then i found this nursery rhyme:

Monday's child is fair of face,
Tuesday's child is full of grace,
Wednesday's child is full of woe,
Thursday's child has far to go,
Friday's child is loving and giving,
Saturday's child works hard for a living,
But the child who is born on the Sabbath Day
Is bonny and blithe and good and gay.

like some nursery rhymes, they have this literary quality to it that reminds me of neil gaiman hahah. definitely like this rhyme, its a little prophetic.

Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
Still a little hard to say what's going on

Still a little bit of your ghost your witness
Still a little BIT of your face I haven't kissed
You step a little closer each day
Still I can't say what's going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball


How very true...

When i say i'm fine, i'm lying.

You're the only thing that made sense so far.

I'll be your robot =)

I think i'm bipolar..

damn moody and emo one moment, then friggin high and chatty the next..

oh and i hate looking into those eyes.

Imma soldier on and be a better man.

This won't break me and I'll be stronger.

I GOT SCAMMED!!!! TODAY CLASS WASN'T ASH ALI!!!! x( didn't like the choreo so much... and it felt like working.
CHEEEEBAIII WHY DID I GO FOR CLASS TODAY ON A SUNDAY, MY ONLY DAY OF THE WEEKEND I HAVEEEEEEEEEEEEEE GARGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I just realised what's my biggest fear today.

and i'm having all these irrational thoughts that i can't help thinking. And i feel so helpless about it. just so out of control that its scaring me. Terrified like watching someone getting hit by a car. maybe this is scaring me even worse.

It has to stop, because I'm lashing out and hurting the people I love. And its destroying me. I can almost literally feel that hole growing in my heart.

I have to just stop doing what i'm doing now. I try to be strong, but i realize that i'm just not that strong. I can't do it.

Today was a good day.. love performing.. just went high on stage. i think i'm becoming back my old self, or rather the new self i was for awhile and loved being. just someone more confident, more in control and and more positive.

maybe its just the caffeine.. haha *shrugs*

i love the feeling of working towards something. you can't do it yet entirely, but you just have the faith that you can finish it and that you are strong enough to do it.

I just love the feeling of know that you are strong and you can overcome anything, while helping someone along the way..

haha emo boy's rare positive post lawls.

i think i'm shallow...

Pick yourself up terrance. Push yourself and become a man.

To everyone out there, i dare you to have the courage to keep walking.

latest crew i'm obsessing about.. hahahahaha they're damn bloody hilarious.

Top ten lies men tell:

1. Nothing’s wrong, I’m fine
2. This will be my last pint
3. No, your butt doesn’t look big in that
4. I had no signal
5. My battery died
6. Sorry, I missed your call
7. I didn’t have that much to drink
8. I’m on my way
9. It wasn’t that expensive
10. I’m stuck in traffic

Top ten lies women tell:

1. Nothing’s wrong, I’m fine
2. Oh, this isn’t new, I’ve had it ages
3. It wasn’t that expensive
4. It was in the sale
5. I’m on my way
6. I don’t know where it is, I haven’t touched it
7. I didn’t have that much to drink
8. I’ve got a headache
9. No, I didn’t throw it away
10. Sorry, I missed your call


i guess i've been saying the number one lie alot lately.

I should never be allowed to hope again

ahhahahahhahahahahha

oh god i'm now convinced that i'm one crazy son of a bitch mother fucker. and i am 100% absolutely sure that i never ever think things through.

okay story goes like this. I went to get an industrial piercing


looks effing cool right? hahahah i only decided to get it like on friday after my friend said she was gna pierce. so i went to pierce on saturday. hahaha didn't hit me until i sat down in the piercer chair and i was like "HOLY FUCK I'M GETTING A PIERCING". Surprisingly didn't hurt much. just feels like someone tugging my ear really hard that's all. Piercer (whose name is Aidil) told me not to take it out for at least 2 weeks, and it'll take 3-6 months to fully heal.

haha looked effing cool. okay dumb shit part is this.

I can't go to work with my piercing on.

So smart me decided meh, no worries its okay i'll just swap it for ear sticks. So i got ear sticks. that. were. bigger. than. my. piercing.

ytd i went to take out my piercing rod. fuck ow. tried to put ear sticks in. nope the ends were too blunt and couldn't put it in. hurt like hell. so i tried to put back my rod in. Fuck fuck fuck hurt damn bad. i took an hour to find the damn hole and put it in. not a good idea cuz the screw end of the rod going through your flesh hurts like fuck.

i told myself never to fuck around with piercings anymore and just leave it to professionals. like never ever, no full stop don't be a dumb ass.

i forgot about that today. took a nailclipper and made the end of the ear sticks sharp. and so today was like

*poke* ow nope that's not it,
*poke* ow no
*poke* ow FUCK I HIT MY NERVE
*poke* *ploop* okay that went through the cartilage
then continue poking to find the other hole on the otherside of the flesh
so 3 layers of flesh, then cartilage, then flesh I have to poke through.

TIMES 2 since i have to holes.

i think i did the bottom hole right, although the top hole is throbbing like mad.. i think i poked through a nerve or something. ow. ow. ow. pain.

yea i think i have no pain threshold. I'm like a perfect candidate on Saw the movie: "cut through my leg to escape?" "okay no problem" *starts sawing* seriously feels like that..

hahahah yea i'm a dumb fuck. dumbest shit on earth.

xD i love her!! so pretty, adorable and a hellava good singer. go look at her other covers, i love the stuff she sings! man i wish i had a girlfriend like that.


anyway, haven't really talked normally in a while.. haha magic online is so addicting, i deleted it cuz otherwise i'd keep thinking about it at work... bleargh.

haha crap, i have to choreograph 2 items now in mdc. lol i used to bemoan not being able to choreo anything, but now suddenly i have to choreo 2 items..

well potentially 2 items anyway. i have to do this duet dance with another female dancer, and haha its intimidating, but exciting also. my head is already buzzing with ideas, although i'd prefered to have choreoed my proposed item first, since i worked out alot for it already. but my boss's gna judge how i fare on my duet before he gives me the go ahead for my proposed item.

i proposed it for a roadshow, like a 3 minute thing with just 4 dancers, but now my boss wants to expand it to 8 dancers. supposedly for a original concept show, so instead of an item in a list of 5-6 items for a roadshow, its gna be marketed as just one item. so yea its supposed to be big.. lol definitely intimidated by that, but still quite excited, although i'd prefer to work with just a small group of dancers. buuuttt, there's still a chance that my boss won't approve of my proposed item though, so i hope i don't get dissapointed..

You were the reason that i was strong and gave me strength to overcome obstacles. Now you make me weak and you test my willpower. You've become my obstacle and i will overcome you.

Terrance be strong.

God you make me lose my cool...

pull it together Terrance. Don't be a coward..



my heart feels heavy
and i'm getting tired of holding it all the time
like some mustang i don't want rein
a small white dove struggling in my cupped hands
but you're not ready to take over
so i guess i have to continue carrying it until i find someone who will